Super-spoilery alert.
Ten things we learn from the latest incarnation of the Terminator franchise “The Sarah Connor Chronicles“– an upcoming TV series that is supposed to take place after Terminator 2, and possibly in another reality altogether from Terminator 3:
- Although the robots of the future may have better Terminator models (T-1000, anyone?), due to inflationary cost-cutting, they apparently prefer the original, cheaper T-101 series. (Seriously, do you think morphing mimetic polyalloy grows on trees?)
- Fortunately, Terminators can get jobs as substitute teachers to supplement their meager income as killing machines.
- They can also show up as hot young female high school students. (Portrayed by 26-year old Summer Glau)
- No matter how many people see a totally gross guy with, like robot parts sticking out of his mangled flesh, the authorities won’t believe your “robots from the future” story.
- In fifty years, people will be so smart that just one engineer can make a time machine with 60s-era spare parts.
- Thus, sending that guy back to 1963 to leave stuff for you to use in 1999 is no big deal. And certainly makes a lot of sense plot-wise.
- Banks will let you keep lots of futuristic equipment– like superguns and atomic-powered time-travel devices– in their safety deposit boxes for 35 years without question. You can even leave them turned on for free.
- Traveling back to the future isn’t a problem either. You don’t even need a flux capacitor.
- Suddenly emerging naked from a ball of lightning on the LA expressway will get you on the local news, who will refer to it as a “college prank.” Everyone you know will be watching the same channel, which kinda scraps your “nobody knows we’re here” notion.
- And finally, even though you just left behind your retro-time machine and a blown up robot, still no one will believe your silly time-traveling androids fantasy.
Look for it on FOX in 2008. Or maybe not, depending on if the TV execs of the future can send back a Cancellator to kill it… before it’s too late.
