Paris Hilton Exposed Again,
Celebs Screwed

If she weren’t fabulously rich and moderately attractive, would anybody care?
Looks like the world has it in for poor little rich girl Paris H. She’s suffered yet another monumental embarrassment– and this one makes sex tapes seem pale by comparison: yesterday, her T-Mobile Blackberry Sidekick’s was hacked, and her power-packed phonebook and calendar posted to the Internet for all to see.

Woe to be the young, beautiful and famous who hang with this super-ditz. Apparently she keeps an active list of celeb’s numbers and email addresses, ready to call on at a moment’s notice. Yes, I’ve seen ‘em. And yes, just for a second (or two) I considered dialing Fiona Apple to ask when the heck her year-overdue album was going to be out… but knowing the Netizens as I do, I figured there’d be no point. They’ve been there, done that, and created a Cafe Press Shop to sell you the “I Hack Partygirl CellPhones” t-shirt.

In addition to the aforemention Ms. Apple, included in the book of Paris:

Christina Aguilera (who gets two numbers);
Ken Baker, writer for US Magazine;
Fred Durst;
Shannon Elizabeth;
Eminem;
Victoria Gotti;
Seth Green;
Anna Kournikova;
Avril Lavigne;
Lindsay and mom Dina Lohan;
Rhona Mitra (of Boston Legal);
Frankie Muniz;
Pat O’Brien (of “The Insider” TV show);
Ashlee Simpson;
Vin Diesel;
and Luke Wilson

plus lots of little people who matter to somebody, but not you or me. And no, I didn’t just list all those for a bunch of random hits!

Numerous offspring of the wealthy and famous are included, such as Ron (“Pocket Fisherman”) Popeil’s daughter, Lauren; Henry Winkler’s daughter, Zoe; Rod Stewart’s kids, Sean and Kimberly (who unabashedly keeps an email addy of “sexystewart@…com”)… and of course Nicole Richie.

Amusing too, are how many numbers for people of indeterminate names, but mere descriptions like “Party Guy”, “Hot, David” or “Gorgeous, Cam” — proof that Paris is willing to mingle with the unknowns, so long as they fulfill her celebratory lifestyle.

Bet you’re just salivating to see it yourself? Well, that’s what what Google is for, my friend.

p. hilton, poetess extraordinaire

However, as informative as the phonebook is, Paris’s archive of free verse, stored as messages and calendar entries is pure postmodern genius. Feel the power of her poetry, as her incisive mind reflects on life, death, love and Carson Daly’s documentary advice:

8:31 AM, September 29, 2004
And what conversation might that be bitch?
What do you think kristen
Did she learn her lesson?
Welsome back to gamma?
I think gamsy wants a little kiss
Its a gamma tradition
Gamsy is waiting

6:37 AM, November 12, 2004
Do that’s hot tank tops like chrome hearts
iold english writinh that’s hot with crosses and tiatas
Carsondaily said to document everything guy said next truth or dare
have cams at all times making if the club
get carson number

and perhaps most intriguing:

2:07 PM, October 5, 2004
Paris hilton entertainment inc
Trace
Tan machine free
John hair
Call rosalina
Call herve leger and lingerie store
Site
Check from rick
Call maroon 5
Get birth control kill pill

Take that, e. e. cummings!

Demonstrating her affection for all creatures great and small, like skunks, owls and infants of color. (photo credit: Paris’s Cellphone)

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