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Blue Collar TV sucks (weiners)
Just watched Blue Collar TV. I somehow managed to make it through the entire half hour. Yes, it’s exactly what you think MadTV would be like if all the skits were about, starring and written by beer guzzlin’, deer huntin’, NASCAR watchin’, gravy lovin’ countrified white folk.
That is to say, it might appeal to a certain segment of Americans who think “wiener” is a hilarious word, especially if followed by a stream of yellow water from the diaper of a bearded overweight guy pretending to be a baby.
Having grown up in the heartland of America, I know this: Hee Haw lasted for years on CBS, and science has still not explained why, except that some people will watch anything and laugh when the TV audience does.
Before you say, “Well, that can’t be that many!…” The WB has put out a press release, which in big bold letters says:
“BLUE COLLAR TV” IS A HIT OUT OF THE BOX
PREMIERE EPISODE SCORES THE WB’S BEST ADULT 18-34 RATINGS SINCE THE 2001 PREMIERE OF “CHARMED” & BEST COMEDY RATINGS EVER IN THE TIME PERIOD
5.4 MILLION PEOPLE TUNED IN TO SEE “BLUE COLLAR TV,” MAKING IT THE SECOND-MOST-WATCHED SHOW IN THE TIME PERIOD”
So for those who avoided it, here’s the Cliff Notes edition of Blue Collar TV:
Jeff Foxworthy Opening Monologue (Where he says stuff that may or may not be funny, but people pretend that they’re really excited about it.)
“Welcome to Blue Collar TV, and lemme tell you right up front: We are not here to change the world. We are here to make it more bearable, ok?”
Audience says “Yeah!” and cheers for a “bearable world.”
“Now this is our very first show… And we decided that each week we would have a theme… ya’know, kind of a thread through the show…” (Explanation likely required for those who didn’t understand the concept of a “theme.”)…and this week our topic is ‘family.’”
“Alright, How many people here tonight have a family?” Woo and cheering! Hands go up! Yes, this audience has families!
Alright, how many people think their family is crazy?” Yeah, yeah! The audience seems to love the idea of “crazy families” — or are being electrically stimulated by the flashing “Applause” sign.
Then some supposed jokes about Foxworthy’s own crazy family.
Cut to: Opps, shots of confused people ‘looking at the applause sign” for Pavlovian response, but not really laughing.
Then some generic joke about how lazy his family from Georgia is with the punchline: “We can’t even cut the grass!”
And now, for the Creationist demographic:
“See that’s why I don’t believe in evolution… ’cause if my family had started out as monkeys… they would still be monkeys! With really high grass!”
Ah, yes, it’s funny, because it’s true!
Onto the Sketches:
- House of Gravy. A restaurant that serves everything with gravy. Nuff said.
- Stuff put into dead guy’s coffin. See, they’re putting things in his coffin, and it’s crazy, because Jeff Foxworthy put a mounted deer head in. And that clearly won’t fit.
- Adults acting like children in the back of a car on a trip. (See: Lily Tomlin for how to do this right.)
- Fat humor: Dieting Addiction (Obligatory diet guru Richard Simmons joke, ’cause he’s very, um, you know, flamboyant.)
- “I believe…” Something that was supposed to look like improv, but wasn’t.
Example: “I believe that guns don’t kill people… husbands that come home early, do!” “Yeah!” says knowing members of the all-white audience!
Ok, I wasted some perfectly good brain cells composing this. I’m going to have a lie-down.